Dick's Fix
by ELSchaaf
Summary: Dick's inheritance is running low. What's he gonna do to fix it? This is in response to the September Fic Prompt to begin a story with the words, "He had enjoyed ten years of being totally irresponsible..." I hope you enjoy!


He had enjoyed ten years of being totally irresponsible but his money was running out and it was time to either reduce his spending or find an investment he could go all in on that would bring the dough rolling right back to him.

Dick was still Dick so of course he wasn't going to go with the first, more responsible, less risky option. Never in a million years would he consider any plan that would have him scale back his current luxurious lifestyle. So what was he going to do instead?

The way he figured it, his best bet was to find himself a Mrs. Robinson. He could definitely be someone's arm candy. He just needed to figure out who would be a worthy candidate.

Suddenly, the most genius idea he'd ever come up with hit him right upside the head. "Dude! Mrs. Kane!" There was no one richer than the ex-wife of the man who perfected streaming video. At least not in Dick's orbit.

With a frown, though, he realized that Mrs. Kane wasn't likely to go for a younger man or give him the freedom to, well, be Dick. Besides, she was a cold-hearted bitch and the thought of possibly having to tap that made a shiver of disgust run down Dick's spine.

'_Sooo...who else is there?'_

When his next option came to him, he started to grin, nod, and rub his hands together in a very greedy, conniving way.

Petra Landros. She was perfect. Hot bod, classy babe, and hell, he already had a connection to her after having lived at the Grand with Logan for so long. She might even let him have sex with her.

Now he just had to come up with his business proposal and present it to her. Make her an offer she wouldn't refuse on the spot. At least get her to think about it, consider it.

Dialing Logan's number, he waited for his bro to pick up. As soon as he did, Dick asked bluntly, "Dude, how do you get an older chick to not only bone you but pay your bills, too?"

The answer he received was sarcastic and discouraging, "Dick, I'm not Kendall. Why the hell would I need to know that?" There was a pause before he heard the next question, one that was filled with concern, "You having some money trouble, Dick?"

Embarrassed, Dick shrugged to himself and admitted, "Yeah, dude, but I got it all worked out. I'm gonna pimp myself out. Be some bitch's arm candy. Have her keep me in the manner to which I'm accustomed and all that. You know?"

Another silence ensued. "Dude, ditch that scheme. I'll cover you. Whatever you need."

"Nah, man, it's cool. I need to figure out how to take care of myself." He grinned, then teased, "Unless you're saying you'll be my Mrs. Robinson. You need some sexual favors, man?"

A huffed laugh came across the line, "No way, dude. Pretty sure Veronica's got the bedroom covered, man."

Dick dry heaved into the phone, "Nasty, man! I so did not need images of you and Ronnie doin' the deed stuck in my head!"

"Bye, Dick," Logan chuckled, "Let me know if you need help with anything. Seriously, dude."

"Got it," Dick responded, "Bye, bro."

On impulse, after hitting the end button, he turned right around and scrolled through his contacts until he found the number for the front desk of the Grand. He hit send and listened as the phone rang once, twice, three times before someone answered.

He cleared his throat when the attendant asked if she could help him and said in his best _Distinguished Gentleman_ voice, "Yes, I'd like to make an appointment with Ms. Landros. I have a business proposition for her."

The attendant asked him to hold on and he was put through to Petra's secretary. When she asked what type of business proposal he wished to make, Dick answered with a smirk, "I want to make her an offer she can't refuse."

For a few minutes, the secretary tried to get more information out of Dick regarding the type of offer he was wanting to make but Dick remained vague and finally the secretary got frustrated and simply made the appointment. He would get his chance to turn himself into a real live gigolo the following Tuesday at 10am.

Dressed in a crisp white t-shirt, his favorite pair of jeans, and a deep blue suit jacket that Madison had told him made his eyes stand out, Dick made his way through the lobby of the Grand and to the front desk. It was 10:02am when he asked for directions to Ms. Landros' private office.

He was given an odd look but then when the girl at the desk checked and confirmed that Ms. Landros really did have an appointment with Mr. Dick Casablancas Jr., he was escorted through the weaving back halls and brought right to the private waiting room.

Less than thirty seconds after his arrival, none other than Petra Landros herself stepped out of her office door and waved him inside.

"Come in, Mr. Casablancas," she said, "I hear you have a business proposition for me."

Had Dick been able to read people better, he would have noted the look of disdain on the woman's face but he was Dick so he was oblivious.

He strode nervously into the office, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, bouncing a bit on the balls of his feet before she offered him a seat. He nodded to her and sat down gratefully, waiting for her to take a seat behind her no-nonsense high end mahogany desk.

"Now, how can I help you?" Petra asked, folding her hands in front of her.

"Well, uh," Dick started, trying to remember the speech he'd laid out and how it all went together, "You're a very powerful, beautiful woman, Ms. Landros - Petra, if I may - and, well, what high-powered businesswoman like you wouldn't want a hot, younger piece of ass by her side?"

Petra blinked, the corners of her mouth twitching. She cleared her throat before asking cautiously, "What, exactly, are you proposing, Mr. Casablancas?"

"I, uh," Dick began again, "I'd like to offer my services as said hot piece of ass. You know, be your kept man. Your trophy boy toy. Whatever you wanna call it. All that kinda shit."

He was losing it and he knew it but he kept going anyway, "See, there's not much that I'm good at, but I know I can look good and party. It's kinda what I'm best at." When his words were still met with silence, he added with an eager, boyish grin, "Soooo, what do you think?"

It had been a long time since Petra Landros had been so thrown off her game. She wasn't sure if she should laugh in his face or scowl and have security toss him out.

Instead, she leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at Dick, looking at him sternly as she said, "Young man, I am deeply offended that you would ever think that I would take you up on your offer."

She sat back and let that sink in a moment, then added with a calculated gleam in her eye, "That said, I have a charity benefit that I need to attend tonight. How quickly can you be ready? I'll need to have a sample of what it is you're actually offering before I make my decision."

Unbelievably excited, Dick said, "Dude, I'm ready now. Let's do this thing."

Unable to stifle a small chuckle, Petra responded, "It's a black tie event, Mr. Casablancas. You will be required to wear a tuxedo in order to make it through the door."

Dick frowned. He hadn't had to wear anything even closely resembling a tuxedo since senior prom. "Shit. Umm…"

Petra leaned forward again, an amused little smirk playing at the corners of her mouth. "I'll tell you what, Mr. Casablancas. You find yourself a tux and I'll take you for a spin. Until then, I have a dinner to get ready for."

Nodding his head vigorously, Dick started to stand, nearly falling as he tripped getting up out of the chair, "Ok, cool. Yeah. No problem."

"Have your people call my people," Petra added as she rose to escort him to her door.

As soon as Dick was outside, he did a little fist pump into the air, congratulating himself on how well his endeavor had gone. Now, if he could just find that tux…

Meanwhile, back in the inner sanctum of the Neptune Grand, behind that closed office door, Petra Landros laughed so hard that she couldn't catch her breath.

'_What in the world will these entitled assholes think of next?'_

Forty-five minutes later, Petra was dressed for her night out on the town. Her exquisite, sparkling black gown came to her ankles but had a slit up the side that revealed hints of skin halfway up her thigh. The halter neckline dipped down to reveal just the right amount of cleavage. Her hair was swept up to reveal her long and delicate neck which held several carats worth of rubies and diamonds.

She grabbed her purse, slipped on her heels, and opened her office door to head to her town car. What she found waiting for her, though, made her stop in her tracks.

Dick Casablancas was back in her private waiting room dressed in a ridiculous baby blue tux that looked like it must have been leftover from the '70's.

He grinned at her and said, "Whoa! What a babe! Every dude in that place is gonna be checkin' you out and jealous as hell of me. Total bonus, bitch!"

Inwardly, Petra groaned and debated how the hell she was gonna get rid of this moron. When he gallantly offered her his arm, however, she hesitated only a moment before she took it, thinking to herself, _'Why the hell not?'_


End file.
